she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
