Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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