I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
