Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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