He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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