Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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