How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
