wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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