K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
