Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
