from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
