well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
