He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize