My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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