Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
