sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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