You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
