It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
