8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
even my farts smell like vagina
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
