remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
