I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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