i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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