Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
