Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
