Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
