as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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