if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
