she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
