Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think people are normalizing furries
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
