i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
