Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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