He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
