We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Mom said you looked used
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
