bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
