Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
