i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
