i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
