Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just threw up on my dentist
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I love you. Go after that dick
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
