I murdered the dance floor call the cops
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm always down for nudity.
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