I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
