haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
