I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
