i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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