I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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