One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
