where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
