VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
