I want to have your abortion
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
