3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
