Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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