filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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